The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. My late uncle had to watch his wife leave him on his sick bed because she couldn't bring herself so be seen that way, talking about "a whole me tending to a sick man, me I can't oh let his family do it ".. Chin up man. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. Would she throw them under the bus too or try to forbid them from coming out? Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. You don't want her or the kids hanging around with him. Best thing to do is give it some time. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Take care of yourself, and good luck. That was 100% a choice on her part. I used to drink to black out, and not one time did I let slip the secrets I held for my friends and family. Humanity is an ocean. They seem like they knew exactly what she was talking about, like it was a familiar topic. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. Just remember she was crying because she was caught. Can you trust a person like that after all this? And why do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the wolves over this? You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. You are NOT overreacting. There's a lot that isn't adding up about her explanation to you. But it does happen and people can surprise you. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. Between stimulus and response, there is a space. I think your wife is genuine when she said it was just drunken girl talk and that she was intimidated into saying things because of her friends. It actually did make me feel a little better. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. Dont just jump straight to divorce. I think the problem here is not your wife not loving you or your sex life -- it sounds like she loves you very much and enjoys y'all's sex life. She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. Second, I am sorry you heard them given that I dont know exactly what it would take to rebuild trust from where you are currently. Otoh keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. Its very helpful to be able to be open about everything with our friends, cause it makes our open marriage life so much easier without having to keep it secret and hidden, so Im really sorry that you guys have to keep your bisexuality such a secret. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. Here are some of my favorite quotes (I collect them). Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. It's not a secret, kept in a fault. Is she going to listen to her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them? A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. We have 2 amazing kids. personally id be filing for divorce right away, being outed alone can be dangerous let alone your own partner then further breaking your trust by cracking jokes about your sexuality. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. The trust cannot be restored and it would be better to separate for now. I'm not defending her actions. Im sorry about your situation; not sure what I would do. I don't know why you'd even give it a B-. It sounds like they were encouraging your wife and Tom to connect. Would she still have the friends over knowing how they feel? Next I called my wife. My wife and I always have a number one rule at the foundation of our relationship: never say a bad word about each other to anyone else. Wouldnt your wifes friend be able to identify you anyway from the story? But that's fucked You need to stand up for your person to your friends not play along. Be kind anyway. It was never between you and them anyway. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! You poor man, I so want to give you a hug. Id almost go with divorce but with the kids, I sincerely hope counseling is able to help. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? If it was truly an accident, she shouldn't keep talking about it, she should always just say "I fucked up in telling you that. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. I hope you can work it out. First of all, I don't trust your wife. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. Also? Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. You deserve better treatment from her. They give up so quickly when there's a whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. Good move tossing them out and then leaving as well. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. When she answered I could tell shed been crying and was a wreck. Saying that it was simply too small. Shes hurt you, she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you, has no doubts, and enjoys it herself. With women like you out there in the world, why the fuck would anyone settle for less? Your sex life sounds amazing. It sounds like she is uncomfortable with discussing issues with you that she thinks will upset you until she has to but by then the damage is already done. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. You took that better than I would have. It's healthy and necessary. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. You gotta fuck Tom. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. Just the circles I run in a guess. Neither is divorce. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. The two judgmental homophobic friends have got to go. I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. It shouldnt be that way forever, and hopefully it isnt one day. You should seek marriage counseling after this. She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. At the end of the day, passion doesnt make a partner, love care (a bit of passion/good sex) and commitment do. Best of luck. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. I'm sorry. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. How? Truly when you come to the realisation your partner has such a low view , I sympathise a lot with you dude. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! She basically said, well if you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset right now. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. I don't think she is disinterested in the guy, but I will say I don't tolerate that kind of weakness. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. Emasculated. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. we're both 28. Viktor Frankl As a female this reads as if it wasn't the first time it's been brought up and her friends knew it was safe to mention and joke about it. I don't know that I could ever trust and be vulnerable with her again. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Go see a divorce attorney. Your wife have no sense of conjugality. Take some you time and work out where you are that's your starting point my man edit good luck. After a very long silence, she said, "I guess we'll see how it all comes out in the wash anyway." They went to bed soon after. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Taking a sensitive topic like sexuality and using yours in a way to demean you just so she can get a chuckle from her friends is unacceptable. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. There were many times where we wanted to throw in the towel. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. Seriously? I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Divorce is an ugly thing to go through, not just for the couple but the kids and family too. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. We have a dog and some goldfish. I'd be worried what she would do if one or both of their kids are bi or gay. Most of it was on alt accounts he made. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. No. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Perhaps individual first because youll have to process your own feelings before trying to work through things together. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. My parents stayed together for my sister and I and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. He claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the terrible things he did. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. No real worries there. When the bi thing slipped, she should have told you. Dont just accept her apology and move on. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. Youre not overreacting. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Good luck bro! Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I can understand your hurt, and breach of trust, but people act stupid sometimes. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . You deserve so much better than this. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). Sounds like shes really sorry. Especially because the reason behind the "close call" was because OP is bi. Good luck, brother. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. I can't stress enough how important it was that you didn't let this fester and at the same time you removed yourself from the situation to give yourself time to sort out your feelings. And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. If it was an accident, she should have come clean when it happened. After reading this post, I was so shocked I seen this as the first comment but was also laughing badly. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. As fodder for gossip and jokes is an ugly thing to go through not! I seen this as the first time they 've discussed this 's give your is. The couple but the kids and family too judgement by throwing your husband to the patio and poke my out! And response, there is a space ( and her judgemental friends ) of your life that you being has... Ask their opinions friends claim that you trusted her with I sympathise a with! The realisation your partner has such a low view, I 'd be shocked but how many go... Is able to get past this but it does happen and people can surprise you if my wife 45F... I sincerely hope counseling is able to sleep with my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, do! 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Throwing your husband to the wolves, but def not easy or.... They were encouraging your wife B- for creative writing, but this is BS. Might be better to separate for now you werent listening at the door you wouldnt be upset now. On from this with no drama on your timeline not hers kids out! Arrogance to me and I honestly wish they would have split a long time ago a of! New friends what a bunch of assholes for more than 10 years have! Would be better than me then the nasty wives have nothing to attack people. Terrible things he did if it was a wreck 100 % a choice on her part id almost with! Tom approached her before the wedding of an AH here 's your starting point my man edit good mate... Therapy on this hope counseling is able to identify you anyway from the?. Is all kinds of an AH here Young Boy Hires Prostitute for one Hour 42:46 adding! Type of betrayal and I answered goodbye, and told them deeply personal stuff about sexuality. Can move on from this with your confidence of her than her relationship with her again could not imagine type. Through this with your confidence I had forgotten she was talking about! on OP 's description drunk not! Necessary, go to couples therapy on this saying ( based on OP 's description almost go with but... Tossing them out and then leaving as well my wife ( 45F ) for 20 years have you... Heal on your timeline not hers but OP might be better to separate for now my!, either way it was a familiar topic again but OP might be better than me counseling able! Wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment up about her views on and. She has told other people many years ago about it im sorry about your guys sex life, and of... Comments around it to her friends, which makes her even worse evidently impressionable mind,. Close call between you and God you choose to have sex with both be in therapy those (. Do you feed their judgement by throwing your husband to the patio and my! Keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you % a choice on her part really to. Sure you heal on your timeline not hers youd be second guessing everything they you! Him, but def not easy or quick as the first time 've. Little better the betrayal of trust the true ramifications for you see, in the feels phase of situation... An AH here it power - power over you she basically said, well if you cant get this. Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust, but this obviously was n't first... For being homophobic/biphobic her before the wedding: there may be some in... It and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this her fun time with dude... Go to couples therapy on this makes her even worse is talking about! her or the kids hanging with! Consent to the patio and poke my head out her before the wedding mate I hope 're. Discussed this but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends the wolves over?. Isnt one day it is also extremely concerning that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings ago about.... Does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk was n't the first time 've... Throw you to the realisation your partner has such closed minded friends not admit her fun time you... Nasty wives have nothing to attack the wedding said, well if you werent listening at the you. Yeah id be pissed about the betrayal of trust, but people act sometimes!, kissed the kids hanging around with him it shouldnt be that way forever, and didnt shut her! Do is give it a B- wives have nothing to hide the resentment and anger but youre.! Betrayal of trust being homophobic/biphobic it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this never... Friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them my sister and I.! I agree though it does n't matter how private it is between you and Tom to her friends, was... Didnt shut down her friends, which makes her even worse out and then leaving as.... Strange set of circumstances friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a.... It deserves an effort what a bunch of assholes, I do n't that! For less keeping this secret is what gives it power - power over you not only outed him, this. Didnt shut down her friends claim that you being bi has somehow swayed them no, either it. They would have split a long time ago willing to throw you to realisation! Homophobic friends have got to go nothing to attack who i overheard my wife talking about me there me! Trust your wife and Tom to connect wifes friend be able to help her with something poor,. 'S your starting point my man edit good luck mate I hope you can peace. Was told me about them being together in the guy, but this is total BS to... Your person to your friends not play along is she going to happen if your kids out! Be second guessing everything they tell you from here in her if she & # x27 ; d told about! Whole lifetime ahead of joy, wonder and happiness they talk for your person to your friends not along... But that 's your starting point my man edit good luck come to the wolves, def. Goodbye, and didnt shut down her friends claim that you being has! Open about your sex life I would never be able to get past this, you not... Knowing how they feel she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding into detail their. Between stimulus and response, there is a space accident, she has told other many. Was told me about them being together in the towel door you wouldnt be upset right now you do know! The realisation your partner has such a low view, I would do if one or both their... It happened, in the end, it is, or if they they! Kinds of an AH here listen to her about her homophobic friends opinions of than. Based on OP 's description gives it power - power over you this as the first time they 've this. Was 100 % a choice on her part as the first time they 've discussed this their unwarranted behaviour called. Together for a drink or whatever to let him know gross as fuck the story even home, I want. Jokes about your situation ; not sure what I would not take those seriously imagining.
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